SELFISH LOVE Written by E.O.P. (Evolution of Poetry)

Selfish love

As I think of you so many thoughts run through my head
Listening to the whisper of your voice in the distance
Excites me, yet renders me powerless
Because of my selfish love

You see time and time again
I have listened to your lies
When looking into your in the eyes,
I have seen the truth
Yet I still choose to believe you with my selfish love

I miss the sound of your laughter in the air
Filling the mass spaces of emptiness that surrounds me
That emptiness that feels the very depths of my soul
Longing to have you here next to me
Wrapping me up in your strong arms
Until I smell the scent of her perfume
As it tares through me like a sword
Slashing my heart & soul in two pieces
Knowing that she was intimate with you
Knowing if I ask it will just be another
Notch on my belt of selfish love

Just once I would love to hear the truth
As I sit her contemplating
If I should leave
Just pack my shit and run away
Wondering would you even love me
Would you ever think of me?
Or even miss me when I’m gone
Or would you just run to her
As though I never existed
How could I have ever loved you so selfishly?

You see God gives us great perception
You know that internal instant that keeps us on our toes
I saw you the other day
Laughing hard and chatting it up at the coffee shop
I started to introduce myself
But my instant says, “No just observe from the distance”
You see that selfish love was turning me into someone else
Someone I had never seen
You see, Selfish love will indeed bleed

As I watched her fixed your neck tie
I thought about the many hours
I spent washing, drying & ironing your clothes
As she feed you a bagel
I though about the many dinners
I planned for us when you were working late
And never called to say you couldn’t even make it home
I mean serious how selfish could my love have been

As I hear the sound of a child voice calling you “Daddy”
When I’m the one you beat,
The one who suffered at the hands of your abuse
Only to never be able to bear your seed
Yet I stayed with you in fear of my life
When your selfish ass is out living a whole new life
Just how deep can selfish love kill?

Oh so many tragic thoughts
My heart is racing
Beating out of my chest
Oh lord help me I can’t catch my breathe
Blurred vision, flashing back to those beatings
When you were choking me unconscious
And then making love to me as I laid there
Bloody and lifeless,
Scrambling to find my sanity
BANG! BANG! BANG!
My selfish love has just rested upon your chest

©2011 COCOVINGTON…. E.O.P “Evolutions Of Poetry”